Sometimes Love Means Letting Go
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: When Serena is dying of a brain tumor Scott needs to learn to say goodbye to her and to let go


_Disclaimer: Scott, Dominique and Serena are not my characters.

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It was hard for me to let go of her hand

Relationships are never easy. I don't care if it's a relationship between husband and wife, parent and child or just friends it is never easy. When you love someone you always want to hold onto them. That is why a lot of people are scared of changes and losing control. I know that was the case for me.

_Back when she was learning how to walk and how to stand_

I remember when my little girl was first learning to walk. I was afraid to let go of her hand because I was afraid that she would fall… until one day she did fall. She just laughed and picked herself right back up. It was like the fall affected me more then her. Man that saying is true… it hurts the parent more then the child when the child is hurting.

_It was hard for me to let go of that bike_

Every step was joyful but it was also scary. I know it goes without saying that with more privileges come more responsibility, but also with more privileges comes more fear on the part of the person who has to let go. It means trusting that everything will be okay without those reminders and that routine. It means that you can't grab on and hold them back no matter how much you want to. Sometimes it means saying its okay to move on.

_When the training wheels came off and she yelled, "daddy watch me ride"_

I remember the day that first step was taken. I remember that like it was yesterday. I remember how beautiful she looked. I remember how proud I was. I also remember how terrified I was when my baby started taking those steps… including riding a two wheeler.

_Oh but that was easy next to how I feel today_

I never thought I would have to go through this nightmare again. I thought that was all in the past. When I heard that my baby girl was sick with the same thing that killed her mom I thought I would just crawl into a hole and disappear. My spirit was broken. Now they say she has hours left if that.

_As I watch her pack the u-haul knowing soon she'll drive away_

Metaphorically she's getting ready to leave. She's symbolically packing a u-haul. I don't want her to drive away. I don't want her to go. It's not fair.

_But I won't let her see the tears… I'll just smile and wave cause…_

I won't let her see me hurting. First of all it's not like she can chose to get well if she could I know she would. I don't want her to think that she's abandoning me. Once she gets to heaven I want her to be okay that she's there. I want her to be happy and at peace not feeling guilty.

_Sometimes love means holding on with all your heart and soul_

_"She is definitely Dominique's daughter," Tony told me when she was first diagnosed._

_I knew what he meant when he said that. I didn't want to believe it. This couldn't be happening not again… but Tony reassured me it wasn't as bad as Dominique's was. He promised me she would be okay… he promised!_

_But now I've learned at last I know_

Do I really want her to live? The selfish part of me does for sure. She's my baby. She's the most perfect thing that ever happened in my life… the one thing I have left of Dom… but she's suffering. What kind of a life is that for her?

_Sometimes love means letting go_

'Serena it's okay. You can go be with mommy now. You can go to heaven. Daddy will be okay' I'm saying those words in my head but I can't bring myself to say it out loud.

_Back to back we lie here in the dark_

I feel Dom's presence. Her angelic hands rest on my shoulders.

"I can't say it," I tell her.

"Sometimes love means letting go," she whispers back

"I know," I sob, "but I'm not ready to let go"

_Wounded by the battles that wage on inside our hearts_

"It's going to be hard," she tells me, "and it's going to hurt. Look at her. A child isn't supposed to experience this sort of pain. A child isn't supposed to experience any pain for that matter. There's time enough for that when you grow up"

_We love each other but that's not enough_

A thought occurred to me. Dominique was an angel. Why the hell couldn't she fix Serena? Why does she have to take my baby away from me? Did I do something wrong?

_And nobody wants to leave but staying hurts too much_

As if she could read my thoughts she whispered to me, "no you didn't do anything wrong. Serena lived her life. It was short but it was full. She knew she was loved. She knows she will always been loved."

_So lets make one more promise that today will be the day_

"She was," I whispered softly stroking her head. Her hair fell out during chemotherapy. Once again tears filled my eyes. I was her daddy and now she's got to leave.

_When we take the step together to go our separate ways_

"But then I'll never see her again," I said tears filling my eyes.

"Not on Earth," Dominique said, "but the time will come when you will see her again"

I found it impossible to say the words that came into my mind. I can't let her go. She's my baby.

_Trusting that the loving thing to do is walk away… cause_

"Scott," Dominique asked, "do you remember when that first step was taken"

"Of course," I said, "how can I forget"

"That was an amazing day huh?"

"Yeah," I said with a grin, "it really was"

_But then came the illness, _I thought to myself

_Sometimes love means holding on with all your heart and soul_

"Didn't you want to just hold on and hope the day would never come where you had to let go," she asked

"You know me too well"

"But you knew the day would come where step 0 would have to turn into step 1 and step 1 would have 2 turn into step 2 etc"

"Of course I did"

"Wasn't it worth it in the end though," she asked

_But now I've learned at last I know_

"Yes," I admitted, "but Dom this is different. How is losing my baby ever going to be worth it"

"Scott you will never lose her just like you never lost me. She will always be your baby. But she's hurting now sweetie and she needs to be set free"

_Sometimes love means letting go_

I want to set her free. I want to give her permission to leave this world and go to a place where she'll never be sick or hurt again. I want to tell her that the six years I spent with her will get me through until I see her again. I want to stop her pain. But my pain was just beginning.

_Now my daughter is ready to leave this Earth_

I know it's time for her to go. Dominique gave her to me. Now it's time for me to give her back to Dominique. I just don't want to let go of the one thing I have left that's good in my life. My heart was shattered into a billion pieces on the floor.

_And move onto what comes next_

"There's no fear there Scott," Dominique told me, "there's no pain there's no worry… there's nothing bad. She'll be safe. Scott you know I'll protect her. I'll never let anything bad happen to her. You know that Scott… you know that"

_And I'm hanging on to her for all I'm worth_

I want this problem to just go away. The logical part of me says there's nothing more to be done. I don't want her hurting anymore. I also don't want her leaving me. But I know that I have to say goodbye.

_When a voice inside me softly says_

"It's okay Scott," Dominique told me softly, "you can do it. This is about our girl. She can't be hurting anymore. It's not fair to her. Please honey… goodbye isn't forever."

_Sometimes love means holding on with all your heart and soul_

"Serena," I whisper, "it's okay honey. You're ready to go to heaven"

That was the hardest thing I ever had to say. She could see I'm dying inside. She tenderly takes a finger and wipes the tears from my eyes.

_But now I've learned at last I know_

"Daddy don't cry," she whispered weakly, "I might not be here physically but I'll always be in your heart. Take Berry Bear," she added, "she'll keep you company until you see me again. I love you daddy"

"And I love you angel," I told her, "don't be afraid."

Then she closed her eyes and breathed her last.

_Sometimes love means letting go_

I could see Dominique picking her up… her spirit that is and carrying her away. It was the first time in two years that Serena looked free of pain. My pain was just beginning. At the same time relief flooded my heart. I knew I would be with my family again… not so long from now… I would see them again.

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**First of all please don't hate me for killing off Serena. I was crying while I did it. But the story was based on the song sometimes love means letting go. Let me clear another thing up before you guys even ask. No Scott is not going to commit sucide... what happens to him you'll find out in the next story. You also might want to read NOT AGAIN. Anyway please review and tell me what you thought of it. If you have a problem with the story I want constructive criticizm... not flames. **


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